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And you might find Designer Relationships more helpful than many polyamory-focused relationship books.Children who are born into a polyamorous relationship do not need anyone to explain their parents’ relationships, any more than children born into a monogamous relationship. If you choose to be open about your lifestyle choices, it’s important to present them in a way that leaves your children secure in knowing that their family will not be hurt by the changes you are making.Especially in cases of long term relationships, this can be absolutely heart breaking. But it may be healthier and less destructive than trying to force the relationship to continue. When this happens, the question of compatibility is irrelevant.Sometimes, a poly partner comes out in a way that is not setting boundaries, but exerting control: Several of these statements are structured as “I need,” but in all of them the poly partner is dictating to the mono partner what the mono partner will and will not do, will and will not feel. One partner is trying to control the other partner and dictate their life. Sometimes people choose to stay in abusive relationships, for various reasons (and I’ll be addressing this in a few weeks).Both partners (and I do mean BOTH) will need to make accommodations to make the relationship work.

Franklin Veaux’s the Game Changer depicts a monogamous partner using emotional abuse to control not just Franklin, but his other partners as well.As I discussed earlier, the defining trait of abuse is control.This is true whether our partners are trying to control our jobs, our friendships, or our intimate relationships.On the opposite side of relationships from control is setting boundaries.Instead of our partners telling us what WE are allowed to do, they are telling us what they require in a healthy relationship, and what is and is not acceptable to them.

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